365 Eulogies

by Jak Locke

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1.
02:50
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2.
05:59
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3.
02:14
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4.
04:43
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5.
03:23
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6.
04:04
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7.
02:21
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credits

released 26 March 2012
Recorded by Jak Locke at Total Sonic Chaos, New Orleans, LA, 2011 - 2012
All music, lyrics, instruments, vocals, mixing and album art by Jak Locke
www.jaklocke.com
Copyright © (P) 2012 Jak Locke

tags

tags: alternative anti-folk bleak depression multi-genre multi-instrumentalist sad suicide New Orleans

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about

Jak Locke is a multi-genre songwriter and performer based in and native to New Orleans, LA. Aside from music, he is an aspiring author, filmmaker, and indie game developer.

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Track Name: Epilogue
The ashtray's full, the TV's on in the sleeping afternoon
Complacent, they're waiting for a selfish afterlife
They all scream "it's tragic" but nobody's there to listen
Their shadows on their walls in the sleeping afternoon
Eclipses approaching, nothing left to hold them back from you
Tomorrow is postponed, no more cause for disappointment
Nothing left but shadows in the sleeping afternoon
Nothing left but shadows in the sleeping afternoon
Track Name: You Never Say My Name Right
So long as we're being honest, I only wanted a three night tryst
And it's easy when we kiss to feel you resist
When we're both well aware there's really nothing here to miss
Wasn't it you who said "you can try so hard but you'll never be better than this"?
Lady, who am I to argue when you choose your words so obvious? Yes you do
Your poverty's addictive, and you spend your time so wastefully
And the tears I hear, yes, I believe they're sincere
When you drop them so uncontrollably
Yet the time that you defend as your only friend is also your only enemy
But you cry so good it'd be a shame not to waste it on me, yes it would
On the night that we met, I can still remember the comfort of my loneliness
And nothing's really changed, I've still got all the same I had before, only less
Your hunger drew me in but it's your hatred that made me stay
Is this your poison on my lips or just some lingering taste of a forgotten yesterday?
Now, words aren't important, it's how they're spoken
Well, that's what you told me anyway
And I've got nothing but respect for all the ugly things you say, yes I do
Yes and it's half lies I've given you but which they are I'm not too sure anymore
I spoke them with such honesty though, and I know it's only presentation you adore
Sometimes I wonder what I'm still even here for
But I've got nowhere else to be and at least with you I'm not ignored, yes I am
Please don't tell me you didn't know there's no truth in anything I might have said
I only tried to pass by but your gate was wide open
Besides, you looked so easily led
When I woke yesterday evening I remembered what I'd always known
This was never my bed, no, and you even said so
But then you thought you were alone
Somehow it never mattered whose windows were shattered
From whoever cast the first stone
But how could I bring you down when you do it so well on your own? Yes you do
So long as we're being honest, I never really liked that song
Its words are meaningless, which reminds me what I've meant to tell you all along
It wasn't you that I wanted
I just never realized I was here that long
But I got nowhere else to be and so I'll stay even knowing it's wrong, yes I will.
Track Name: I Haven't Snapped
Words upon words, our favorite game
Let's drop them to see where they scatter
Trading it up for the value of names
For an audience that doesn't matter
Back and forth, passing the mantle of blame
Taking more pride as it tatters
Only to find now I'm left with the same
Only older, more jaded and sadder
No, I haven't snapped, I've shattered
It's as lonely as you'd guess, when you've made it your address
At the end of the road that's less traveled
I was only at my best when I held claim to so much less
Finding comfort in some warm spot of gravel
Dead memories attest to the price of the obsessed
Past the pale mane I can see them from my saddle
I can't begin to clean the mess and I can't help but to confess
There was never a thing there to battle
And that I haven't snapped, I've unraveled
I've got nothing left in me and so far to go
I've got nothing left in me and so far to go
I've got nothing left in me and so far to go
I've got nothing left in me and so far to go
Track Name: It's The Nights That Kill Me
Regardless of whoever this song has made its way to
I wouldn't wish the music in my head on you
Oh, if you could hear the monologues I say to me
Infinite repetitious volumes of soliloquy, ohhh
It would blow your mind
It blows my mind
Thirty hours and I'm far from sleeping
Wearing out the floor and thinking this'll be the minute it changes
Half the time I think I'll wake up younger
And even as I'm saying that, I know that it's ridiculous
but lately I find it harder to care if I come off strange
I've learned not to get comfortable anymore
any resemblance makes obscene the thrill that lived before
It's a special kind of hell to think you've found your place
And you believe the smile that you painted on your face, ohhh
Until you realize where it all went wrong
I found you never really can get over it
The most that you can hope for is that you can learn to turn it off
And still you know it's gonna find its way back
No matter how you turn it in your mind you're gonna find
That every crest you end up riding's always followed by a deeper trough
And if I keep my distance, don't take it to heart
I always knew what's best for you and I'm just playing my part
Besides, the closer that we get, the more complex I'll be
And I don't need to hear another person telling me, ohhh
"I liked you better before I knew you so well"
Another tragedy, so what's the difference?
I hate to have to say it, but it's easier to swallow each time
And one day I'm gonna end up choking
Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not before I'm dead
Maybe I should have listened to me and kept all this in my head
Because you didn't ask to hear this, you just want to hear me make words rhyme
Momma, it's the nights that kill me
Momma, it's the nights that kill me
Momma, it's the nights that kill me
Track Name: Old Ghosts
Seems like all this city holds is old ghosts for me
Seems like all this city holds is old ghosts for me
I'll send you my regards from tomorrow night
Cuz this time I swear I'm-a get it right
Only, I know there's death where flowers grow
Seems like all this city holds is old ghosts for me
Seems like all this city holds is old ghosts for me
I'll send you my regrets from tomorrow night
Cuz this time I swore I'd got it right
Something's bound to break and I know it's comin soon
When my nights keep keepin me mourning after noon
When my nights keep keepin me mourning after noon
When my nights keep keepin me mourning after noon
When my nights keep keepin me mourning after noon
And I'll see you
I will see you
Will I see you?
Track Name: Waking In A Mass Grave
I picked the wrong one again
Yeah I could kill for the end
S-something's gonna have to break but for sweet good-goodness sake
There's so much more I can take
I'll suck it down til it bleeds
And while I fail to succeed
Oh there'll be plenty of time for Brother Sisyphus to climb
Inside my my my my my my my my my mind
Audience or not, I'm gonna sing my song, it say "no one ever wants to live that long"
All the other pretty boys are so serene
You know that nothing worth having ever stays so clean
Keep her wanting more and she will be your slave
I don't dig love, I just dig my grave
But oh! She fakes it so well, just like me
Between us we could make a fabulous tragedy
Cuz they say pain's the quicker ticket to the depth you crave
Don't you know? Yes I knew
And I wasted all my time again, yes I did
And I could trace it and I won't find a thing except
"So you're with me now, are you with me now, you're not with me now"
Love-lover I have to admit there's a thrill in watching it go down as deep as it can
Oh make me more than a man, s-so much more I can stand
Oh how could you never see there's got to be agony
Tortured, bound to the floor and I'm still ready for more
Oh lover, if you're gonna get reckless, what are you waiting for?
Frankie had a dream she'd leave us all behind
She had the mind of a child and a body so fine
She said "if everyone's a star, then I want to be space"
Oh baby maybe should have kept those words behind her face
Now she makes a living in a ninth ward dive
The good news is she's only nauseous when she's alive
But oh! She fakes it so well, just like me
All of the happiness I get from glimpses of her misery
Cuz there's no better victory than watching someone writhe
Don't you know? Yes I knew
And I wasted all my time again, yes I did
And I could trace it and I won't find a thing except
"So you're with me now, are you with me now, you're not with me now"
Oh, how time flies, and lately come to realize
I've been singing this same song for much too long
Yes, much too much i'd rather do and while I've learned a thing or two
If this decade should pass to you here's the best that I can offer you:
Boy, whatever you do, don't you let 'em see you cry
And whatever you do, don't you let 'em see you cry
I erased it and it came back again, yes it did
So let's face it, it's time I find that I don't mind
That I don't mind that I don't mind that I wasted all my time all my time
All my time won't come back again
It's time I find that I don't mind if you're with me now, if they're with me now
They're not with me now
Track Name: Where I Left Off
Here I come beating my own drum, no one even really knows where I came from
But by now everyone knows I'm still gonna go my way
Hidden behind stacks of things we can't take back, somehow you gonna have to find a way to swallow it, Jack
It's strange, the loose ends always seem the most at home 'round the gallows
And I could find a more expensive way to live if I wanted
Ooooohh I swear I could
Out in the breeze I come to find that it's easier to let the two dimensional be flat as they please
Cuz you could waste so much time on a million things that don't even matter
Misery finds itself a home in the minds of those that can't be satisfied without an axe they can grind
And when their target is me, it's kinda difficult to not be so flattered
And I could find a thousand people just like them if I wanted
Ooooohh I swear I could
And I could find a more expensive way to live if I wanted
Ooooohh I swear I could