There ain’t really nothin that’s left to say
You took all the words from my mouth and you threw them all away

Got a wallet like Costanza, don’t know where these cards come from
I asked you for your number, you looked at me like I was dumb

Then again you really don’t exist and you don’t know who I am
You ask me for my name I tell you Son of Sam

You didn’t even smile you said "Well, that ain’t no laugh"
So then I took my saw out and cut the sidewalk in half

You must have thought that it was pretty surreal because your mouth dropped in a gape
I didn’t mean to make you all confused so I put it back together with tape

Well that seemed to make you feel better so you jumped down in the ditch
Asking me "What’s your problem? You’re one weird son of a bitch"

About that time I decided that it was time for me to go for a walk
It was pretty rude of you not to even ask if I wanted to talk

But it’s okay, it ran off my back like water on a dog
I went back to my room and fell asleep on my favorite log

About that time the water started running all down my floor
The toilet overflowed and I didn’t know how to get out through the door

The log started floating and next thing I knew I was downtown
In front of Rox’s, it was Wednesday night so there was no one around

I went into the dance floor and I asked for a drink
They said "We’re out of water son, go to the bathroom" and they showed me the sink

Well I was thirsty enough that I said okay and put my head under the tap
But then I realized the sink was small, my head got stuck, and I said "Crap"

And then as if an answer to a prayer or something, this big fat guy walked in
Sat down in the stall, did I mention that he was hardly thin

Well I went... I think I’ll spare you the details and just cut to the chase
I got out of there with the sink on my head and a disgusted look on my face

So there I was running completely soaked down in downtown Thibodaux
Talkin to people that I thought were my friends, they pretended not to even know

I musta looked pretty foolish and dumb with the plumbing on my head
It’s one of them nights that you wish you could go to sleep and wake up dead

I got back to my room somehow, don’t even ask me when
I pulled the sink off of my head, saw the water, laid on the log and did it again, and singing la la la la la...

If you’re waitin for a moral to the story then here it goes right here:
If you’re lookin for friends you don’t need none, just find yourself a keg of beer

Go shoot up everything in sight that you can find
If you do it with a smile I’m sure nobody’ll mind

And if you ever wake up on a log with the toilet full
You know what to do, just go to the handle and pull

And then after you’re done doing that hopefully you’ll wake up from a dream
If you don’t, you can always scream